Pat McKenna Blog

Has a change caused you to see your world differently?

I was recently sharing with some old friends from high school at our once a year gathering. We used to meet every Wednesday evening for many years and everyone would all talk at the same time as they were right now. I can recall going home with such headaches stymied as to why we all talk at once? It seemed that my throat was hoarse for days after a Wednesday night club.  In those days open conversation of private thoughts or happenings were not shared to our own detriment. I recall sitting alone with one of them and suddenly felt this woman was pregnant, I turned and stated to her:  “You’re pregnant!” HA!  She told me to mind my own business! I had the mentality that woman cleave together or lose themselves, which of course is true for most of us.  How to have friends and mind my own business is not real to me, it is a smothering to my soul and that I will not do. I did not share again unless asked so only one slip up is pretty good for a Gemini!
 
 I felt such gratitude for their acceptance of me from the winter of 1954 right on through till now.  There seemed to be an unspoken caring that repeatedly put me into a small quiet space of shyness and at the same time emotional paralysis from childhood when no one talked at all!
 
 I recall being a bridesmaid for one woman whom I absolutely looked up to and felt so privileged to be her friend.  Immediately after the wedding plans began I went through
 An unholy small period of tremendous jealously.  I felt such shame that I withdrew being a helpful bridesmaid and the bride obviously did not want to confront nor did I feel confident to speak to her, a tragedy to me, to let her down at a very special time in her life.  I did tell my now husband, and pushed and pushed myself to never, ever allow this to take me over again.
However I processed this with my inner nagging it worked, that was the last time and good riddance to it!
 
I sat and looked at each one of them in wonder, obviously we are not young, and most of us still work even with serious health demands.  It then occurred to me that I really don’t know very much about any of them with the talking into the air standard around the room Willy – nilly and I became agitated.  I said to myself:  “What the hell Pat, will they get angry if I nail them?"  Who cares!  I banged my knife on a small plate and made my intentions known.  I simply asked would one person at a time talk and share about themselves.  I had my turn last and told them I felt myself living my seventy-second year capable of being joyful most of the time, so joyful that I get enthused to the point of reminding myself to slow down. This joy is a boodle of gratefulness that is an endless feast for my heart.
 
I just stopped writing to walk to the mail box with envelops to go out when strange multiple creaking sounds came into my direction; I looked up and felt all aglow as two lovely huge swans flew low over my head, their metaphor?  Grace of course, pure grace!   
 
I am reapplying to Cape Cod Community Collage hopefully to start teaching again.  I dug out my resume which lists all I have learned, taught and created in this life so far. I was hoping by reading it all I would successfully block the fear that I might not get the appointment, good heavens!  How silly is that?  If they won’t hire me it must be that I will do this elsewhere, the words then came:  THE TIME IS NOW!
 
I thank the angels and a long dream meeting with Shirley MacLaine recently, while she yelled and yelled at me these words:  “YOU CAN HAVE ANYTHING YOU WANT!  YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT!  She all but kicked me up the butt which I sorely needed.  I first connected with her when I was attending a week-end workshop in 1978.  The focus was the study of the Will.  In one section we were guided in meditation, to ask ourselves this question:  “Who is your hero?”  I immediately saw the name of Shirley MacLaine and then started to berate myself instantly by saying:  “What? You want to be a movie star?”   HAHAHA……  I had previously read her first book, “Out on a Limb” and related to her need for truth as I have for many years.  I knew she put her career in jeopardy no doubt, as I had gone forward into this work.
 
The next morning after this petite woman yelled at me I was happy to have the dream connection, grateful to the angels, guides, Universal love and mind, and all our leaders who have shown us the way to live in our lives in complete authority of ourselves and in complete freedom.  
 
I think of Nana Mouskouri singing “Love Changes Everything” by Lloyd Webber, the melody and words open the heart for me - forever.  I always used music for the retreats I have run in years gone by.  In the movie and stage production of “Mama Mia!” you hear the song “I Have A Dream” by Anderson.  Nana is called the “White Rose of Athens” and when she sings that music, life falls into place, my spirit is reawakened and I am restored, life as it is continues in grace.
 
I think I am preaching too much!  I am however asking for stories from you that have created tremendous change inside of your heart to the point that you now see your world and yourself differently.  I have talked to many individuals over the years that have kept their intuitive/spiritual experiences in the closet, yet admitted that their whole attitude turned around in their life after.  I would like to put these stories in their own chapters (with your permission) into my book for inspiration to others.
 
We are beyond having to keep secrets; this sharing is not only spirit lifting but heart warming for us all.  Thank you all for your kindness regarding my dogs passing, the emails and kind words gave me warmth and connections to all pet owners, what a treasure.   

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A TRIBUTE TO MY COMPANION OF 14 YEARS

    I purchased Heyoka in 1994 while I was living in Lakeville, Massachusetts.   Heyoka was a black and white Shih Tzu a dog whose breed came from China.  These puppies do look like flowers, he was sweet and for three days nameless.  My husband and I would look at him and nothing clicked as to what to call him.  I was going to bed one night when the incoming information told me to open the Native American Tarot cards to find his name.  I opened the cards, I looked and looked and found nothing until I packed the cards to go back in the box when out fell this card called Heyoka.  A Heyoka in Native American terms is a clown and also Coyote medicine.  It all clicked into place then, as this puppy from the first day howled like a coyote, who is my major first totem animal and teacher to me.  Heyoka also decided from the get go that he deserved a sex life even as a puppy, my husband looked at him with his pillow and told me he was uncomfortable watching this dog have sex, I told him that was Heyoka's choice and we would have to ignore him.
     
    Within that year I went on a cross country road trip with a friend of mine, we both took our cars packed up and used CB radios to stay connected.  I must say it was a blast, we drove only six hours a day giving Heyoka a walk in between.  I lived Sedona Arizona with him three and a half years in peace and contentment.
     
    One day I walked into "Garlands" a wonderful gift center on the Oak Creek Canyon road to Flagstaff and there was a Kachina doll of a Heyoka man, holding in his arms a black and white Shih Tzu dog wonderfully hand carved.  The Heyoka's of the villages were older men who were the guardians of the boys in a sense, at festivals they passed around and had fun with watermelons, they wore big black and white stripes on their bodies with a white face with two horns of black and white on their head.  I looked at the price and decided there was a few ways of buying this and I did not need the indulgence and would most likely rue the day I did not buy it.
     
    Heyoka had a mind of his own, followed me everyone around the home, gave eye contact all the time and would drive anyone crazy with the stare unless he was sleeping.  He took the position of guardian whether I wanted it or not.  In his older years he would oscillate between not hearing well or not seeing well.  He slept on the bed with me in the winters and would move frequently and slam himself against my body to snuggle, a wonderful connection. Heyoka had a stately serious attitude about what he would and would not do, if I was to walk him and it was hot, he gave me his baleful eye ball look since one of his eyes showed more white than the other and would just sit down and that was that!
     
    I tried so hard not to mourn his age while taking care of him this last year, I was operating on red alert diligence as one would do with an older relative and I most likely drove him nuts with concern.  A few weeks ago I received an email from this wonderful woman I know who asked if she could come and be with him before he passed.  I felt my dread.  I had not kept her up to date our relationship was not constant but truly consistent in our support of each other.  I knew in my heart she was correct to offer and so she came.  The conversation was very supportive for me to feel, he looked at her then to me, I had him covered with a towel blanket since it was chilly in the room.  When Linda left I called my husband and told him it was time.  Heyoka was having trouble breathing.  
     
    I had already taken him to a vet who told me according to the x-ray he had a congestive heart, I felt relief for an instant even knowing, then realized I had always known he had a heart condition and was suffering denial.  This vet then went on to give me statements that took away the diagnosis, it could have been this way for years, it could be a virus, etc.  Well, hell this was not helpful, get him cough medicine she said, what dog wants to swallow Robitussin?  My group came and the nurses told me the cough was the sign of congestive heart failure.  I could have asked them for heavens sake!
     
    I went into the throes of grief, letting it all out after he passed.  The ritual I did not ask for was to get in the shower and cry and cry.  Soon, this went into not every day, I had his ashes, put them beside my bed, I bought a rock message regarding dogs it says:  "Dogs leave paw prints on our hearts".  I put it in the kitchen with his picture.  I received some cards.  Kind friends cried on the phone with me when informed.  I felt totally undone, lonely and alone anyway.
     
    My web master send me the lovely poem called:  "The Rainbow Bridge" for us humans to read when losing a pet, it was lovely.
     
    One day two weeks ago I went into the shower and felt as if my body wanted to cry again, instead I was told by my guides to close my eyes and ignore my bodies message.  I did so, then I found myself through their direction singing the song, (which I did not know) "In the Arms of the Angels".  I sang two sentences then saw clearly in my minds eye an angel a brilliant white luminescence that blinded me, but in that luminescence I clearly saw the outlined face of a being behind the light, with very huge wings.  In that total second I saw Heyoka in the arms of this being as she turned, he was in her arms, and he turned to look at me with that one baleful eye!  I was totally astounded, I had sung two more sentences of words I do not even recall.  This whole incident took place in two to three seconds.  I was gratified to see Heyoka looking fit as a fiddle.  The exchange of his eye to my eyes was incredibly healing and I felt filled with peace that he was safe.  The angel as she turned flew into oblivion with him.
     
    A day later a friend of mine who lives in Florida sent me a wonderful heart pin, red with a black ribbon, and a wonderful paw print.  In the small box there lay the poem again:  "The Rainbow Bridge".
     
    I trust the signs given to me in this life and I had never had a stronger experience in regard to the Angelic realm than in that moment in my whole life.  I know when they are with me and are with us all but this was such a beautiful gift to me, so for now we are separated but just for now.     Thank you for reading my tribute to Heyoka, my little contrary friend.  Pat

"Dogs Leave Paw Prints on our Hearts"

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